What Bride Called You Creepy?

About 5 years ago (in fact, pretty much 5 years ago exactly, because we were hanging out for my buddy’s birthday and his birthday’s Valentine’s Day) I was in a bar on a Monday night, and at the next table a wedding party walks in. Who the hell gets married on a Monday, my buddy and I thought…out loud (which meant very loud, in my case).

Well, I was kind of scrubbing it this particular night, which meant my typical outfit of jeans and a fleece. I’m not a looker by any means, but I’m not a schlub either. But I’m not the most outgoing guy either, so I found myself catching the occasional glance at the wedding party (my friends say I turn my head so often looking at women that I’ve got a bobblehead). This lead to the bride noticing this and mentioning to one of her waitress friends and calling me creepy.

How am I creepy?

Because you keep looking over here.

Well you guys are all pretty good looking, it’s an attractive group.

Then come over and talk to us.

Uh, yeah, right, look at you, and look at me. That would not end well for me.

Well, in the end I did talk to a few of them for a little bit, watched as some of the bridesmaids got carried out and showed up late for work the next day (thank God I had a forgiving boss). Thing is, I started thinking that if a bride is calling you creepy on her wedding night, it may be time to make a change. And I thought at that point that I was alone and drinking like a fish on Valentine’s Day, so I thought, “Y’know, I started drinking at 18, I’m 28, and 10 years is a good run…maybe I’ll give it up. And maybe I’ll write a book about it. And maybe I’ll call that book, ‘The Bride Called Me Creepy’.”

Yeah, that would draw the crowds.

Well, that was 5 years ago. I never quit drinking (if anything, I got worse). But I decided somewhat recently that if I wanted to keep my sanity and not bitch about things to people to whom these things did not matter, I should start writing it down. And you don’t want to write just for yourself, so you start a blog. Because you think people will read this blog. And that blog needs a title.

So here we are.

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