Author Archives: sparty99

Dating sucks

Look, I could let the title speak for itself, but let’s go into some detail. I broke up with a good girl in November 2008. I liked her, we got along well together, but deep down, as my mom said, we just weren’t going to wind up together. If it were kosher to break up […]

Facebook and The Kid

Facebook sucks. For the life of me I can’t remember why I signed up for this monstrosity of a website. Probably to look for an old girlfriend who didn’t want to have anything to do with me anyway. Eventually I started adding family members I’d seen twice in 15 years and insisted people cared about […]

Fuck Canada

I was on the phone with my mom this afternoon and she asked me who I was rooting for in today’s gold medal hockey game between the U.S. and Canada. I don’t think she expected me to respond with, “What the fuck are you talking about?” Notice, I didn’t say, “What the fuck are you […]

Sex is awesome, violence sucks

A number of years ago, there was discussion on the news about the “disgusting” movie Basic Instinct (I actually don’t know if they used the word disgusting, but you get my point), and my dad said something interesting. “I’d rather my kids see a movie with sex in it versus something with violence in it.” […]

We don’t care about your kids!

There’s an epidemic affecting our 20- and 30-somethings these days. Specifically, our women. Not whorishness…no, sadly for my age group we just missed this one. No, our women are being turned into morons who can’t carry on a conversation without invoking their children. Tigers score? “Oh, my little guy loves Justin Verlander!” Work? “I deserve […]

What Bride Called You Creepy?

About 5 years ago (in fact, pretty much 5 years ago exactly, because we were hanging out for my buddy’s birthday and his birthday’s Valentine’s Day) I was in a bar on a Monday night, and at the next table a wedding party walks in. Who the hell gets married on a Monday, my buddy […]